tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56090552011-04-21T23:17:15.921-04:00Deeper Reflections, the Other Side(s) of Me.Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.comBlogger371100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1097811965771460662004-10-14T23:46:00.000-04:002004-10-14T23:46:05.770-04:00

My soul is at my own discretion, wether it be tarnished or clean the thoughts with which I ramble, have no necessity for purity or stain, only that they be true, and truth can be either. Darkness and light engulf me shadow is but the darkside of flame, I am more than I seem, More than even I know, and the darkness in me seeks the light, just as much as the light in me shuns darkness, while

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1097737099817526542004-10-14T02:52:00.000-04:002004-10-14T02:58:19.816-04:00

My old blog layout for this one, which I loved dearly since Jennifer helped me straighten out the code for it, was just that. Old. It hadn't changed since I got it, and it needed to. I needed it to, to reflect the changing way I want to use this, which is as more of an artistic forum for my thoughts as well as a dumping ground for my angst. Blame it on the AiW quiz on my other blog, but really, I

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1096954871070667012004-10-05T01:34:00.000-04:002004-10-05T01:41:11.070-04:00

Saw one of my ex's today. I need this to deal with it Artist: Idina Menzel Lyrics Song: I'm Not That Girl Lyrics from the musical "Wicked" ELPHABA Hands touch, eyes meet Sudden silence, sudden heat Hearts leap in a giddy whirl He could be that boy But I'm not that girl: Don't dream too far Don't lose sight of who you are Don't remember that rush of joy He could be that boy I'm not that girl

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1093932157305028382004-08-31T02:01:00.000-04:002004-08-31T02:02:37.306-04:00

Yes, so, thoughts of my ex's, ALL my ex's, have been haunting me lately. Wondering why, and how, what I did wrong, Why it went wrong, and when I'll meet someone that we're both what the other is looking for. I've got lots of time. I'm only 19. But still. Maybe it's the music I've been listening to. Anyway, I present you with Song Lyrics. Avril Lavigne: So Much for My Happy Ending So much for my

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1091431487802674672004-08-02T03:16:00.000-04:002004-08-02T03:24:47.803-04:00

there is one Obvious person whom this does not apply to, she knows who she is as this is her lap top I'm using while she's asleep. I really ought to know by now: Not to count on anyone To never make plans based of what anyone else says they'll do I really ought to know That what I'd do for most anyone Especially those special anyones does not necessicarily hold true that they will do for me I

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1090880843044163212004-07-26T17:57:00.000-04:002004-07-26T18:27:23.043-04:00

Note: I started writing in notebooks since I couldn't get online to do my blog. No clue what to do /w it. Bought it because it's cute. Happy Bunny saying "Cute but Psycho. Things Even Out" Goodness, I have bad handwriting. Sitting in Ruby Tuesdays parking lot, waiting on Dustin, wont' even get into the internal dialouge situation brings up. Am queen of daydreaming up bad situations, he didnt

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1090878787739351642004-07-26T17:52:00.000-04:002004-07-26T17:53:07.740-04:00

I'm feeling rather sad right now, no paticular reason. Should be happy, I get to see Jennifer this coming weekend. Actually, hence the font, I'm feeling small. Insignifigant, Unloved, it's really silly. Yeah, I got dumped, but that's not a big deal.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1088120604685562762004-06-24T19:29:00.000-04:002004-06-24T19:43:24.686-04:00

I've gotten myself into a relationship. And I'll probably wind up hurt. He seems like a great guy, and Saturday, when we first met (I'll count that, since I'd known him in passing in the past, but we'd never really spoken) we had great conversation and got along really well. Then, Monday night (I finally worked out the time frame in my head again) all we did was basically make out. The same for

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1083346887541411552004-04-30T13:41:00.000-04:002004-04-30T13:44:34.436-04:00

So, had to go to chester earlier to do errands, and decided while I was there to try to go see my grandmother. This is My Mom's Mom, my only living biological grandparent, who gave Mom over to her grandparents to be raised and never had much to do w/ her. When my Aunt Wanda died, she asked that my Mom and Jackie mend their problems. We even went to christmas dinner at her house one year. But that

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1083335565781133802004-04-30T10:32:00.000-04:002004-04-30T10:35:52.623-04:00

Counseling. Meh, I rambled for a 50 minute hour, feel more depressed than before. Don't know what that women thinks about me, I'm just, bah. I want to go to sleep, but have to do errands for Mom. *Hugs* and love to all. I just want to sleep.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1083206715457133992004-04-28T22:45:00.000-04:002004-04-28T22:48:20.653-04:00

Riding home from the petrol station, I realized I'm sick of being the one to reach out. This goes to a certain set of friends, whom when ever I get depressed I realize I'm ALWAYS the one to reach out to. I'm SICK of it. Here's a list of who reaches out to me JenniferJustinLeeta*rechecks her Buddy List*Tim, occasionallyJoana and I stay in touch, sort ofNikki, though we're not close Yep, that's it,

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1083195786472668612004-04-28T19:43:00.000-04:002004-04-28T19:46:11.733-04:00

I hate breathing I hate being I hate thinking that there's nothing left to live for, when I know somewhere inside that there is, but all I've got is life, full of trouble full of strife and all I know is I don't wanna be alone. I'm so tired of pretending that I'm normal and of sending little messages to myself and all of you, that I'm okay, and especially I'm sick of all this Mother fucking shit

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1083195309328562172004-04-28T19:35:00.000-04:002004-04-28T19:38:14.670-04:00

Heh, so, haven't been here for a while. As everyone knows, kurt and mine's acquaintance was short lived. I've been depressed and took it out on my other blog. Poor thing. Anyhow, I've got shit I want to get out of the way, so I'm posting a few songs here.I hated you somedays, Was so confused because you threw our love away Tore up my world, Now I'm glad you didn't stay, Was so naive back then,

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1074359769251043682004-01-17T12:16:00.000-05:002004-01-17T12:20:05.496-05:00

So, I went out to dinner last night with a really nice guy (Kurt) and we had a nice time. My mother doesn't know this though, so Shhhh!It's the first time I've ever lied about where I was going, I told her I was going out with Xao. I really drove over to Gaffney, about 100 miles away or so. It was a nice evening, we ate at Cracker Barrel, talked there, played checkers, then talked in the car for

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1074229544481558442004-01-16T00:05:00.000-05:002004-01-16T00:07:06.263-05:00

Prepare for melodramatic whining. Waah. It'd be nice if One day, one WHOLE ENTIRE DAY, passed without my family bitching at me, fussing at me, etc. It'd be nice if the fact that I'm a good kid, get good grades, work hard, and generally don't cause trouble, HELL, don't even discuss religion and politics or anything else that would cause them to get mad at me, with them anymore, that I don't even

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1069267892853577022003-11-19T13:51:00.000-05:002003-11-19T13:51:57.186-05:00

Lots of things on the mind, no time to type them up. If you read this, remind me to type up my pathetic little worries and gripes, they really ARE pathetic, but they keep nibbling at me. Stupid Creature. Start the new Job on Friday, at least training. Yay! Anyhow. that's all for these 5 seconds.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1069113585463684812003-11-17T18:59:00.000-05:002003-11-17T19:00:07.890-05:00

*Screams, Screams, Screams, Screams, Screams*

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1066176214228325182003-10-14T20:03:00.000-04:002003-10-14T20:03:34.326-04:00

Here's the thing, not that you'll ever look here or read here. Go figure. I meant I wouldn't be upset at the time, but I can't control what upsets me as easily as I thought I could, and sorry, but when you switch directions THAT quick, it's no wonder I wind up with 'Emotional Whiplash'. What I don't understand is why you continue to be such a Putz about it all. I mean, Gods, Grow some balls Man.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1064845246807588482003-09-29T10:20:00.000-04:002003-09-29T10:20:46.676-04:00

Long Time, no Updates, I know, I've been diverting all the bitching to my other blog, which I shoudlnt' be doing. Yah, Yah. Whatever. I get Really Tired of stuff, but, anyhow, next time I'll try to remember to put my anger HERE where it belongs.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1063488010815531852003-09-13T17:20:00.000-04:002003-09-13T17:20:10.836-04:00

Ah, apathy, my dear old friend. Apathy, at times, is a good escape, and can lead to objectivity or the expression of repressed emotions. Or the Repression of Expressed Emotions, take your pick. Take my family, for example. Mother was cussing at having to go do something for the church tonight. Sis is being "re-dedicated" tomorrow, although the preacher say's it's a baptism, that apparently she

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1063387188643037402003-09-12T13:19:00.000-04:002003-09-12T13:19:48.650-04:00

Long Time, No blog, and I'm tired of having that last thing at the top of this one. The world is Typical, go fig, and everything that I *should* have placed here as this is supposed to be the place to dump all the negative stuff has wound up in other places. Much appologies over this. I'm going to do s.o.c on this, bear with.It's odd, but my mental voice that I hear say everything I think is

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1062681163779419422003-09-04T09:12:00.000-04:002003-09-04T09:12:43.810-04:00

I'm finally going to put this blog to the use it was designed for, being brutally honest and blunt, no holds barred. This could lead to what some of y'all might think is TMI, but I have almost No worry about that, so you'll have to judge for yourselves. Just a warning.Anyhow, after having what I thought was a pretty great Weekend. Should I recap? Well, I've rather got to.Went out of town, the guy

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1062673206349239332003-09-04T07:00:00.000-04:002003-09-04T07:00:06.353-04:00

Ha. How quickly things change, a week ago I thought I was 'All-Right'. I know no one but Jennifer reads this blog, so admitting that this is really justa home for my alter ego, along with the really whiny/depressed and self-destructive/suicidal Shit is atceptable. Right now, I'm not doing very well. Majorly depressed, moderately suicidal, And all around I just want to curl up and cry. But there's

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1061987104301272042003-08-27T08:25:00.000-04:002003-08-27T08:25:04.326-04:00

Okay, so, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Things are busy, and I apologize. I’m actually doing pretty well though, so far as I can tell. Confusion, well, it’s over. And I realized something the other day. There’s not anyone I know, met, or seen, that I would be interested in hooking up with, or even just talking. Seriously, I know that’s slightly weird, but I guess I’m still too hung up on

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1061078240612802302003-08-16T19:57:00.000-04:002003-08-16T20:08:57.840-04:00

I am So confused. Then again, Love is a very confusing thing. Do I really stll care for the guy I used to date? I think I do, but one of my friends insists that it's just my foolish pride and that I could, 'Do Much Better.' Do I want to do much better? Do I want to keep waiting in hopes that we'll get back together? Is this Really the Person I want to spend the rest of my life with, or is it just

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1060389263947015562003-08-08T20:34:00.000-04:002003-08-08T20:35:28.250-04:00

Jen, thank you for what you said, but suicide isn't the point, it isn't even something I'd do, because, A.) it's too permenant, B.) I don't have the Guts, C.) It'd hurt too many people to much, D.) I'd fail, and wind up in a loony bin until they decided I was functional, at which point I'd really be insane. The point is escape. I want to escape, just, not bother any more. People like you are the

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1060318237953741032003-08-08T00:50:00.000-04:002003-08-08T00:50:37.860-04:00

Okay, so, I want to take something. Specifically, I want to take a perscription of Hydro-something or other we have around. Not healthy, though I'm tempted to throw everything away and say, "The hell with it." If I do, I'll wait till people who'd be hurt are away to somewhere else, where they won't find out anytime near when it happens. I shouldn't, I probably wouldn't, but God, I want to. Just

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059876796458658352003-08-02T22:13:00.000-04:002003-08-02T22:13:16.520-04:00

I was riding in a car today, not really listening to what was being said because nothing really WAS being said. Nothing of value, or importance. And suddenly, I had this sudden impulse, almost just a flash of an image, which is how many impulses occur to me. There was a sword or sharp blade in front of me, I couldnt' see how it was being held up, and I was slashing my wrists against it, quickly.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059496481387785532003-07-29T12:34:00.000-04:002003-07-29T12:42:54.336-04:00

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I said this was a place for my "Darker Thoughts," So right now you're probably wondering where they are? Let's just say, it's difficult to get the gate I normally keep them locked behind open, because it's so different. There are the occasional thoughts that escape, yes, and the thoughts that seem like they should probably be behind that gate, but it's not the same thing.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059445364540464372003-07-28T22:22:00.000-04:002003-07-29T00:06:54.606-04:00

Stuff is all in my head, thoughts, ideas, emotions from my heart that I'm disputing with myself or examining. It's rather interesting, from an objective perspective, which is funny, that I can have a pretty much objective perspective within myself, a little Me in a skirt, nice business blouse, wearing glasses, hair in a bun, taking notes on a clip board going, "MmmHmm, Yes." and scribbling away.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059407767789066002003-07-28T11:56:00.000-04:002003-07-28T11:57:01.356-04:00

I'm one of those folks who is normally worrying about something, maybe not MAJORLY worrying, but worrying none the less. I'm plauged by those questions of "What If?" and one of the things that I really worry about is something happening to one of my friends, that they'll be injured or sick or something. And As I was picking up in my room this morning, I came across this. I think it explains some,

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059238000388716402003-07-26T12:46:00.000-04:002003-07-26T12:48:32.886-04:00

It is Fixed! It is Fixed! Thank you to Jennifer for Helping, actually doing, ALL the work to fix my blog! YAY For Jennifer, Thank you thank you Thank YOU! *Big Hug!*

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059156881879699192003-07-25T14:14:00.000-04:002003-07-25T14:14:41.926-04:00

Okay, so, I'm officially Brain dead. Nothings getting thru, maybe a thought here and there, but nothing coherent. But I feel the need to update, so here we go, I'll post a song I wrote, back after my ex and I broke up. As always, I reserve my rights as the author. It's not that great, but it's something. I hated you today, for a moment cause you threw our love away why'd you do it? I don't know,

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059104683992121802003-07-24T23:44:00.000-04:002003-07-24T23:46:32.740-04:00

Did I mention I'd post some of my songs/poetry on here? All are my property, so No Stealing, though I think My friends are trust worthy. If you want to use anything on here, please ask. This poem was brought about thru a friend asking me a question about sand, and a sudden inspiration. I wish I were a pile of sand, Swept along in a balmy wind, across the oceans and seas, intertwined with you.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059082054470405802003-07-24T17:27:00.000-04:002003-07-24T17:29:59.263-04:00

Why is it certain Groups (Conservatives, Fundimentalists, idealistic College students in ROTC) are more likely to buy into certain bullcrap than most? They ask for your beliefs, and when you disagree, Boy, do you get lectured at! It's NUTS, and I Despise it! This whole thing w/ Saddam Hussiens sons has brought out in me how disgusting the General Public and Media are. It's like they want to throw

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059067609085866552003-07-24T13:26:00.000-04:002003-07-24T13:26:49.106-04:00

Racist idiot POS! URG! I believe in Loving Everyone, okay? It's one of my main beliefs and 'Tennant's' if you will, right up there with, "Live so that if you die tomorrow, you'll have no regrets, but if you live in the days after, you can meet your eyes in the Mirror." and "Stand up for the beliefs and Rights of others, cause if you don't, who will stand up for your beliefs and rights?" and

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5609055.post-1059005142741289452003-07-23T20:05:00.000-04:002003-07-23T20:15:38.760-04:00

First Post for this Blog. Some not so nice, semi disturbing stuff probably will wind up on this Blog, some poetry and thoughts, an Idea I got from Jennifer *Waves at Jennifer* There are some darker thoughts that I probably need to weed out of public consumption, and here's where their new home will be. Peace be unto you all.

Lenorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08319948250030639883noreply@blogger.com0